And If We've No Place to Go-

While it was snowing furiously a few years ago, I was riding the bus from South Campus to North Campus, and was discussing the snowstorm going on with a few friendly patrons of the bus. One of them was an older woman who talked about the blizzard of '77. She smiled and said that she had been planning a dinner party for a large group, and therefore had a ton of food and good wine in her home. She invited some neighbors and they ate and drank good food and sat by the fireplace for three days while the world went white beyond their windows. She said " I loved it. A big blizzard is nothing when you have good food and good company."

Well, you see, there it is. And if we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

This is my idea for the best Christmas I will never have.

A select group of close friends, coming together in a lovely wintry locale- since I'm dreaming let's say a big ski lodge with cabins for privacy for each couple/person. The lodge itself has a big beautifully stocked kitchen, and we cook together, enjoy the fire and each other's company.

Lights and trees and all sorts of lovely decorations grace the log walls. We cook whatever kind of meal we want- a classic British Christmas, a hodge podge of our very favorite dishes and cookies, whatever we choose.

For a few days, we make our own traditions and make our own Christmas, making and remaking for each other and for ourselves.

I grow weary of the "supposed-to's" I learned a long time ago that my family can never deliver the Christmas I hoped for. The togetherness and the love and peace and joy?

Try emotional and verbal abuse at it's extreme, an overall feeling of rejection and loneliness at it's best. I never fit in, not to one side or the other (of my family). The more people there were, the greater the feeling of being a misfit, and being lonely. At least on my father's side, I knew everyone else felt that way, too.

So when I made good friends in college, when I fell in love with my Dear Fuzzy, I found home and I found the exact scene I wanted to enact around my Christmas tree.

I realized that not everyone's family make them feel like this. So, to all my friends (and my husband) who love their families, love what you have, and value it. And think about one year, maybe, having a dinner party with your friends. A close pleasant gathering where we have a chance to remake our favorite traditions for each other.

Growing up: the Christmas edition.

So, I married a man whose family celebrates holidays and birthdays with gusto. On his birthday, my Fuzzy got a phone call from each immediate family member (not that exciting, but wait, there's more) SINGING at the top of their lungs happy birthday. No preamble, no hello, every person just started hollering. Oh, I'm not knocking it, it's tremendously cute. But for someone who grew up refusing birthday parties and not calling or getting calls, this is very...festivious. (I just made that up on the spot. Good, huh?) We call every cousin and aunt, every possible relative, and sing into ears, voice mails, whatever. I gamely join in, but this is just weird to me. I had to be pinned up against a wall in Hong Kong for my team members to get to sing to me, and I was not pleased.
My idea of a good birthday party is one where no one pays attention to me, but mingles and has a blast all on their own. I would like to be the kind of hostess that Deists believe God is. He's here, He started it, but He's not really commanding the whole thing. That's the hostess I'd like to be. Keep this in mind as we discuss Christmas.

I'm sending out Christmas cards. No, Really, I am. To all Fuzzy's family, to some of mine, to our friends. I am notorious for failing to get any kind of card out on time. Especially thank you cards. (On this note, I'm glad I'm married, because if my mother had anything to say about what went on my tombstone, it would probably be Beloved daughter, wife, mother, and ingrate.)
This is the beginning of a transformation, my friends. I am choosing to-gasp- participate! All for my husband! What would the feminist agenda think of me?

But seriously, folks. It's really about setting up new traditions as a new family, and that's something I believe in. Up til now, I had no good reason to really celebrate Christmas. I never really wanted to get gifts, I loved giving them, don't get me wrong. They were super fun to give- the challenge of getting just the right one. My favorite kind of gift is something not on the person's list, something so rightly them that it was almost too obvious to see. Yeah, I like that.

So here's to all my young couple friends who are doing the same. Setting up a new family means getting to set up new family traditions, or keep old ones, or do a little mixing. I see it as my chance to honor old traditions, welcome those from my husband's family, and set a new standard with our own. Casting off what doesn't work in favor of building what does from scratch. Who cares if it's a little crooked? It's homemade.